I am not sure if this is the official announcement of what’s next for me after the 21-day fast. I can tell you that on Sunday, I ate three cookies. It was actually the first time in three weeks I had sweets, snacks or anything of that nature. It was really good. Then afterward, I regretted eating so many of them. But that’s small potatoes compared to what I will endure next.
Even though the 21-day fasting period is over, it still doesn’t mean that I can go back to my old ways. I am still doing OSL and that remains as the tough part for me. I still will be off media mostly for the entire duration of the remaining two weeks. Because of the two-hour limit per week the OSL guideline allows, I decided to watch some old TV shows last night. It wasn’t anything to binge on, rather I was at a state where I needed to feel some emotion. I ended up watching an episode of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” where Will’s father abandoned him. I needed to cry. Then I watched “Family Matters” and the episode where Carl is living with guilty of a death of a victim in a shooting. I equally wanted to cry some more last night. I have no idea why I was compelled to do that. I didn’t go over my two-hour limit and this morning I thought that maybe I could have resisted it more. But a part of me wanted to just cry last night and that was the trigger.
But what’s next? Yesterday the crew played some board games as I worked. It was a nice thing for me and it reminded me that there is a certain bond with the fellowship I have with these guys who so happen to be in my Life Group. It’s growing to be this really amazing bond of care and enjoyment with one another. I want this to continue and transition into something more amazing.
Here and my hopes and desires for me going forward. One, as I have mentioned before, is to grow in my prayer life. So far it has been pretty consistent during the fast and I am maintaining that.
Secondly, I didn’t snack today and I think I have better control of it. It’s not that big of a deal for me to snack anymore.
Third, I am going to be a leader. People see me as a leader now. I am in a leadership role. There are more duties, more responsibilities, just a lot more on my plate. God has always called me to be a leader. Ever since I was in high school, I have led people. Summer camps, tutoring, AACF and now this. I was destined to lead. Once again, after a couple years of not doing it, I have found myself in the position again. People look up to me. I still can’t wrap my head fully around it, but people expect things from me and people seek my wisdom. I have skills that God has given me that I don’t even recognize. People tell me what skills I have and I don’t even know I have them. I am a work in progress and this is the progress I am making.
So for now, these are the three things that I will focus on. I have better self control but I still need to rely on God for the rest of the strength. I believe that my dependency on God is stronger and my desire to know more from God has increased. I pray that this can be harnessed and not wasted in the coming weeks.