How am I supposed to feel about this? It’s sad and it breaks my heart. But all I seem to be flooded with is the reactions from all around the world.
Some people are calling for bans on guns.
Some are saying that gay people deserved to die because they are against God.
Some people aren’t really caring about this.
Some are still wondering how terrorists could do this.
I don’t know how to take all of this in. I would love to live in a world where this kind of hatred and violence is gone. But we don’t. I know that gun violence remains and we don’t seem to know what to do with it. I know that there is so much hatred against the LGBT and I can’t figure out how we can get everyone to just love and care for one another.
Where do we go? My heart breaks when people die. I don’t care if they are the same or different from me. It’s heartbreaking. And it hurts even more that this was apparently an act of hatred towards LGBT. It’s not fair. I wish there was a way to make it better. God, where do we go from here?
I can pray right now. But I want to do more and try to find a way to stop all of this. Stop the violence. Stop the hate. Stop the hurt. Can we just live in a world of peace and love?
I don’t know. I hope so.
Go celebrate! I wouldn’t mind joining you!
Preface: This was something that had been stirring in my heart for the past couple weeks. I can’t pinpoint exactly why, but I felt that I needed to write this post… or at least put it out there.
I am not actually gay. But having grown up in the Bay Area, having gay friends and really observing as an outsider, I wanted to share my thoughts on it. I haven’t been vocal about it in the past and part of it came because I wasn’t sure what to say. Now after some thinking, praying and reflection, I feel that at some level, I think I get it.
I probably will get some negative responses to this and that’s fine with me. I might get positive ones too. This message comes from the heart and I write this out of love.
When I first even got a glimpse or an idea of what being gay might be, I was a kid. I didn’t know what it meant really. I just thought it was some kind of term you used to say someone was different. I distinctly remember calling Michael Jackson gay because he was different. I don’t think it was necessarily the fact that he was very pale and sounded like a woman to me, but I just felt that being gay just meant you were different. I might have used it as an insult like this as a kid, but I never really believed it. I had no problem with it, really. It didn’t affect me, so it wasn’t my problem.
That mentality has stuck with me my entire life. I didn’t see it affecting my life, so I didn’t really deal with it. (When Prop 8 came around, I didn’t speak out for or against it. I don’t even remember if I voted.) Despite the fact that I grew up in the Bay Area, went to school with gays, it never really meant anything to me. Maybe because I was used to it. Maybe because I was never scolded or told how to feel about it. It wasn’t my life, so I just let it be.