On Monday, Pastor Jarrid Wilson took his own life at the age of 30. I’m still processing this as I have a connection with him despite never having met him.
But before I talk about my thoughts, here are some details on who he was and what he was about.
First, here is a tweet from Senior Pastor Greg Laurie with a link detailing Wilson’s role and impact at Harvest, a church based in SoCal in which he joined 18 months ago.
Here is the AP story on it and here is a much more detailed piece on Wilson’s history as a mental health advocate, his wife’s reaction and the timeline leading to his death. I recommend that you read that last link to get a better idea of the man I am going to talk about.
Here’s my reaction.
I first heard of Jarrid Wilson back in 2015. At that time, he had just released a book called Jesus Swagger: Break Free from Poser Christianity. I don’t even remember how I was told about this book but the title of it caught my attention. As some of you know, my Christian faith isn’t very typical in terms of what the public perception may be. I don’t wear a nice suit to Sunday service. I wear T-shirt, shorts and a baseball cap most times. I move my body to the music during the worship music (a lot) and I am very outside the box thinking when it comes to my faith. Conventional isn’t my thing.
The book was everything that I wanted to read because it reinforced my faith and how I respond to my faith. For some people, my way of worshiping and dressing might be off-putting. It might make people question if I actually am a Christian. But what the book reminded me and encouraged me was that I had to be bold in my faith. I had to have some kind of swagger to it. I couldn’t be afraid to show it. I couldn’t act as if Jesus wasn’t a big part of my life. I needed to be me — the way God made me — and use that as part of my testimony of Jesus my Savior.
The book was an instant buy for me and I advocated that book to my friends whenever they ask me about good Christian books to read. It was relational, Biblical and it was practical. It was the book for me.
So there it is. Somehow, someway, even though I had never met the guy, I felt a connection with Wilson. He somehow was like another version of me but in a pastor’s role. I mean, if a pastor is encouraging me (through this book) to be bold in Jesus in the way that I am, then I must be doing all right in my faith.
In a sense, I became a fan. I followed him on Twitter and Facebook. It’s hard for me to get too caught up with famous pastors as I feel that many of them are too old our out of touch with reality. And Wilson wasn’t even famous really. He just had notoriety because he had a book published. But he was a guy who was like me. A Christian who was like me!
I was excited to find out 18 months ago that Wilson and his family were moving from Tennessee to SoCal to be part of the Harvest staff. I am very familiar with Harvest. I even attended a service there once years ago. The reason why I was excited for this was because Senior Pastor Greg Laurie is a man I listened to on the radio almost daily. On my morning commute to work, Laurie would be on the radio on KWAVE at 8:30 and I would listen to his sermons. These sermons were great to listen to because it wasn’t the kind of preachy type where you were guilted into loving Jesus. There were some jokes in his preaching. But also there were a lot of truths and understanding of how Christianity can still be relevant in today’s society. Getting a taste of what Harvest was like through Laurie made me excited to hear Wilson joining the staff. I hoped to somehow get to meet Wilson now that he was in SoCal.
The image of a church pastor bears some stereotypes. Like megachurch pastors we’ve seen elsewhere, some are so out of touch with reality or are so caught up in their own ego that they lose the identity of Christ. We have seen the fall of so many pastors of churches because their human desires got the best of them and they turned away from their faith. But Wilson was not like that. I know he wasn’t perfect, but he was the perfect pastor that helped me early on. And perhaps that’s why I related to him so well.
Not only was Wilson a few years younger than me, but he was a voice of this generation. He wasn’t some pastor in his 50s or 60s. He grew up in my generation. He understood what people went through and experienced. That’s what made him awesome to me. Which is why when he was open about his struggles with depression, it spoke to those who were just like him. Being open about our mental health is taking precedent now as a common thing in today’s world. Not 10 years go. But Wilson knew that there was a gap in bridging the faith world and the mental health world. I know of Christians who don’t even acknowledge that depression and mental health are real things. But Wilson desired to not only break that stigma, but to help and serve people who were struggling with it.
I actually got to see him in person (kind of) last month. On August 24, I attended the annual SoCal Harvest event. It was its 30th year and it was held at Angel Stadium in Anaheim. Even though I was in the upper deck, it was kind of cool for me to see him on the stage. It felt like a mini celebrity sighting. I don’t know if the other people in attendance knew much about Wilson or had any kind of connection with him. For me, I felt like I had one. Because I saw the guy (in person) who challenged me to be bold in my faith and showed the world that it was OK to be open and honest with struggles. He helped strengthen my faith in Jesus, that’s for sure.
Wilson didn’t shy away from being open to discussing issues. That was very clear. He wasn’t afraid to take on something that may have been not so popular of an opinion and putting it out there for discussion. One example was over the weekend two days before his death, he shared and advocated on Facebook an article that I disagreed with. It was regarding pop sensation Billie Eilish (which you all know I am a big fan of) and it asked for her to seek a new perspective (a biblical one) in regards to the message of her latest music video.
I felt comfortable enough knowing Wilson that I would comment on this post, saying that calling out Eilish like this was unnecessary and it was only to get attention because of her fame. I was expecting him to respond in some kind to the other commenters who also shared a similar sentiment. He never did and this ended up being the last thing he would post on his Facebook page.
It’s a shock to me to think about how he is gone just like that. Leading up to his death, he seemed vibrant and very happy. But of course, those things can mask what is truly going on inside. Nobody expected this to happen. My mind is full of questions as to how it happened and why it happened. But I am not to know this. All I can do is just wonder and pray.
Pastors are people too and they struggle through things like every person does. They deal with anger, grief, jealousy, lust, greed and so many more — including depression. Even though his suicide is the last thing he did on earth, and what most people will know about him will remember him by, he was more than that to me and many others.
I believe that despite the way his life ended here on earth, he is with Jesus right now. Wilson fought hard to bring the Gospel to so many people here on earth. He wrote books to help spread the message. He dedicated his life to serving God. He served and advocated for those who were not seen. This is how I see him.
It is still sad for me and processing this is hard. He was one of the very first “celebrity” pastors I actually cared about. And in a sense, he was nothing like the celebrity pastors I have seen before. He was real in a sense that I felt that I could have had a cup of coffee with him and felt that we would have hit it off on whatever topic we wanted to discuss. I guess it’s just hard for me to lose someone who I felt God used to reach me.
But his death doesn’t mean his mission ends. I still believe that we can still be a voice for the Christians of my generations. The faith isn’t old if we have leaders who can speak and relate it to those who may not have a connection to it. And we cannot ignore the realities of mental health awareness in the church. Those two can and will be in union sooner than later in all churches. I believe it.
I still mourn. I am still sad. I pray for peace to his family and friends. And I trust that God will bring forth healing and light during this dark time.
But I am grateful still for God putting him on earth and using him to reach me and many other people in faith.
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If you or someone you know is dealing with suicidal thoughts, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available anytime for anyone. 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
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